Why Balance Isn’t Possible (and What to Focus on Instead)

Can the pursuit of balance be an illusion?

As your coach and cheerleader, I challenge the conventional wisdom that balance in life is a destination we can reach. Drawing from my years as a dancer, I share that balance is not about stillness but continuous micro-adjustments. Like a unicyclist or a dancer on pointe, life demands constant movement. Together, we'll explore why this ideal of balance might be a myth and what we should focus on instead. We'll also discuss the societal pressures that keep us in perpetual motion, particularly affecting women, and why embracing periods of rest and renewal is crucial.

Let’s rethink what it means to live a balanced life and accept that pausing and recharging is okay. With countless responsibilities pulling us in different directions, striving for a flawless version of life often leaves us exhausted. It’s time to release the notion of balance as an achievable goal and redefine it as an ongoing, evolving process that includes rest, laughter, and rediscovery of what brings us joy. Grab your favorite warm beverage and settle in as we create the next beautiful chapter of your life.

Download your free guide: Align Your Life to Create Harmony: A simple four-part framework HERE

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Transcript

Melissa: 0:05

I did a quick Google search and it brought up hundreds of quotes about balance, and gurus everywhere tell you to seek balance in your life. Seek balance in every area. But I don't believe balance is possible and you've been fed a lie. So in this episode, I'm diving into why balance is not possible and what you can focus on instead. Welcome to the Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast, your cozy corner of the world where we'll sip on life's lessons and squeeze the most out of every moment. I'm Melissa, your coach, cheerleader and maybe even a little bit like that mom who always has a warm hug and the best advice waiting for you. If you're a woman over 40, feeling like life's left you a little lost, aimless or downright stuck, you're in the right place. This is where your joy, your freedom and your purpose come back into focus. Together, we'll laugh, learn and rediscover what makes you come alive. Because it's not too late, this is your time, so grab a cup of something warm, settle in and let's start creating the next most beautiful chapter of your life together. All right, so I just want to talk about balance in general. So when we're talking about balance, right, we're talking about staying upright and being able to move forward. That's what balance really truly is. I was a dancer in my youth and balance was critical. When you're on point, you're balancing on the very tip of your toes, but it's not about being able to stay perfectly upright. There's always gentle movement and adjustments that are happening as you're balancing. Maybe you weren't a dancer, but maybe you've ridden a bicycle or roller skated or ice skated or something like that. When you're up right on your ice skates or your roller skates or on your bicycle, there's always these little micro movements, micro adjustments that you're making to be able to stay upright. I have this vision in my head of a unicyclist right, even a unicyclist is constantly moving to be able to stay upright. But when we're talking about balance in life, I just don't think it's possible. I don't think it's possible to have all of these responsibilities that are up in the air, that you have to juggle, that you have to manage, that you have to keep moving all the time. And, like I said, this search on the internet. You can find hundreds of quotes about balance from some of you know, ancient gurus all the way to current thinkers, and they're always talking about seek balance in life, life balance, work life balance, family and work, balance, balance, balance, balance. But it's like a. It's like a, it's like a dance that you're trying to accomplish, but it's all jagged and uncomfortable. Again, picture that unicyclist who's trying to stay upright. They're not perfectly still. Their feet are moving constantly.

Melissa: 3:18

The unicycle is going backwards and forwards, constantly in motion, and I don't feel like our life should be constant motion. I feel like there should be down times, there should be times of rest, but for some reason especially women right, I can talk to guys because I do get guys, but I'm not a guy. I didn't experience life through the lens of a man. I experienced life through the lens of a woman and, as women, we're constantly in motion, we're constantly working, we're constantly caring for others, and it's and it's. I think it's.

Melissa: 4:03

This idea of balance is one of the it's one of the things that's really pushed us to be this way. We get this idea in our head about what life should look like. We get this idea in our head of the perfect life, right, right, the perfect wife and mother, whatever your idea is. There's a lot of work involved. We get up, we take care of everyone else, we cook dinner, we clean the house. If you have a job, you go to work. If you homeschool your kids, you're homeschooling. It's constant motion. It's exhausting.

Melissa: 4:45

Think about that unicyclist or a juggler and the constant motion. They have to take a break eventually. It's rare to find somebody that could juggle consistently for days and days on end. They still need a break. We need a break, people need a break.

Melissa: 5:03

So this idea of seeking balance, I feel like it has us pursuing something that's not possible. That constant motion, constantly going, never ending. Just the thought of it makes me exhausted. The thought of it just makes me want to go and throw in the towel and I feel like this lie of balance perpetuates this. It keeps us striving for that perfect balance which, again, is not possible.

Melissa: 5:42

I was a really good dancer in my youth and I couldn't stay on point forever Not possible. There's always that balancing act. Think about the tightrope walker. They've got the bar to help them balance. It's just difficult to find that perfect space where no movement is necessary. I don't even know if it's possible. It's probably impossible to find that perfect balance where movement is never necessary.

Melissa: 6:23

So I don't think balance in your life is possible. I don't think it's possible to find a work-life balance. I don't think it's possible to find a family and work balance. So what can you focus on instead? What could you seek, what could you be looking for instead? I think there's a couple of things that you could be focusing on instead of seeking after this all elusive balance, and one of them is harmony. I love the idea of seeking harmony in my life. Harmony is this beautiful experience of everything coming together to create one gorgeous note. So what if, instead of trying to seek this balance in life that has you just exhausted and constantly moving, what if you tried to seek harmony in life where your work and your home are coming together to create a beautiful note? Harmony is possible. We hear it all the time.

Melissa: 7:36

Think of your favorite acapella group. Think of your favorite barbershop chorus if you have one I do know some friends that are still singing barbershop. Think about how the notes come together to create that beautiful sound. Think about pop music. Think about just any type of music that's creating that harmony. And I always think of like the very end of a barbershop chorus song sometimes end of a barbershop chorus song.

Melissa: 8:13

Sometimes we'll start with a discordant note and bring it into harmony. In our band back in Texas, we actually you know, at the beginning of the THX thing in the movies, where it starts off sounding kind of discordant and goes into this beautiful, harmonious note. Our bagpipe band did that, and that is what we're talking about. It takes these discordant and goes into this beautiful, harmonious note. Our bagpipe band did that, and that is what we're talking about. It takes these discordant parts of our life and brings them all together to make this beautiful existence. So I love the idea of seeking harmony instead of moving and chasing after that balance. That's just not possible.

Melissa: 8:49

The other thing that I love to think about when I'm thinking about life in general and how I want it to look, how I want it to feel, is alignment. I love alignment, alignment with God, bringing all the parts of my life into alignment, moving toward a common goal. And I think of chiropractic. I mean, really, when we're talking about alignment, that's kind of one of the first things that pops into my mind is the chiropractic practice, because we're taking the spine and these vertebrae that are kind of janky and out of alignment and they put everything back in. And why? Why do we want our spine to be in alignment? Well, you learned this back in high school, right?

Melissa: 9:40

The brain sends messages to the body and the body sends messages to the brain how? Through the spinal column. And if there are subluxations, if there are joints out of joint, they're pinching on the nerves that are sending those messages. So if your spine is out of alignment, the message isn't going to get to where it needs to go, whether that's from the brain to the limbs and organs or from the limbs and organs to the brain, which it works both ways. And I love thinking about the chiropractic practice. Because let's say, let's say Okay, there is a subluxation in the area where the message goes from the brain to the lungs. Okay, if there's no, if there's no pinch, if there's nothing out of joint there, the message from the brain to the lungs is at a hundred percent and the lungs to the brain is at a hundred percent. But let's say there's a 30% pinch in that vertebrae that goes from the brain to the lungs, where that message gets through, then 30% of the message isn't getting there, which means 30% of your lung function is diminished.

Melissa: 11:04

So I mean it matters. It matters that our spine is in alignment. It matters that our spine is in alignment, it matters that our life is in alignment. And when I think about alignment, like I said, I think about alignment with God. Again, thinking about it chiropractically you've got the head and then everything else should be in alignment, and if it's not in alignment, then the messages aren't getting where they need to go. It's just common sense. If it's not in alignment, then the messages aren't getting where they need to go. It's just common sense. If it's not in alignment, the messages aren't getting there.

Melissa: 11:34

So if there are parts of my life that are out of alignment with my ultimate goal, my vision, where I'm trying to head, then those parts are going to be dragging me down. They're not going. And one of the things that is really great about our human existence is the way that we do one thing is the way that we do everything. So if I'm thinking about the different areas of life right, you've got spirituality, you've got finances, you've got relationships and you've got health If I'm doing things in the health area that are just horrible suppose I'm eating a bunch of crap food. I'm not paying attention, I'm just eating whenever then that's going to bleed over into the other areas. The crap food is going to create crap in my relationships and crap in my finances and crap in my spiritual life and crap in my finances and crap in my spiritual life. But if I'm working to bring all of these things into alignment and making sure that all the areas of my life are moving in the same direction, it's powerful.

Melissa: 12:50

So what if, instead again of seeking after that all-elusive, impossible balance, we start looking for alignment, alignment and harmony Beautiful, beautiful options? I actually have something that can help you. You know, if you ever feel like your life's out of sync, like the noise of everyday stress is drowning out your peace and joy, I created this just for you. It's called Creating Harmony a simple four-part framework for peace and joy in your life. I mean like really imagine finding a rhythm that brings all the parts of your life into perfect harmony. No more chaos, no more overwhelm, just peace, joy and you feeling whole again. This is your chance to start fresh and take back control of your life. And the best part, it's totally free. I'm going to put a link to Creating Harmony a simple four-part framework for peace and joy in your life into the show notes. All you have to do is click that link and it'll be sent right to your email.

Melissa: 13:51

But, honestly, balance just not even possible. Think about that tightrope walker, think about the unicyclist, think about the ballerina on point. In an arabesque, there's always micro movements. There is constant motion. When you are trying to balance everything in your life, it's like juggling glass balls. Eventually, something has to give. You can do anything that you set your mind to. I promise you you can. You just can't do everything all at once. So stop trying to seek balance. Balance is not possible. So stop trying to seek balance. Balance is not possible. Balance is a lie. Don't listen to all the gurus, because it's just impossible to balance every single thing that you are trying to prioritize in your life. We have to pick, we have to choose what things are going to be prioritized. But even in that picking and choosing, you can find harmony and you can create alignment.

Melissa: 15:11

Thanks so much for spending a little time with me today on the Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast. I hope you're walking away with something that sparks joy, hope or a fresh perspective for your journey. If you loved today's episode, let's keep the conversation going. You can find more inspiration, coaching tips and resources over at my website, lemonbalmcoachingcom. Don't forget to follow me on social media for encouragement and updates, and you'll find me on Instagram and Facebook at Lemon Balm Coaching. And hey, if you're looking for a supportive, uplifting community of amazing women just like you, come join us in the Reignite your Flame Facebook group. It's a safe, welcoming space where we share, grow and cheer each other on, and you can find the link on my website or just search for Reignite your Flame on Facebook. Remember, honey, just be yourself. The world needs what only you have to offer. Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.